Note to Self

Dear Self,

Your post from Tues (Fits and Starts) continues to irk me and let me tell you why.  What did you expect when you made the choice to stay home with Em and pursue your art?  You knew coming in the individual challenges and commitment inherent with parenting a two-year-old and dedicating yourself to craft.  But, the continual rehashing of this struggle breaks one of your rules in your first post:  no navel gazing.   So, in order to break this streak of unproductive over thinking, let’s have an understanding about a few things:

1.  Yes, you have a strong mind, but also a propensity to over think almost…everything.  Stop. Stop.  Stop.  It stunts your creativity, smothers joy, and just makes you a nerd.

2.  You are incredibly lucky to:

  • Live in a country where you can express your art
  • Have a spouse who is supportive of your art

Stop sounding like you are entitled to some perfectly straight road.  You are fortunate to be in the position that you are in.  Your whining…Don’t. Go. There. Ever. Again.

3.  As your husband just said, on a laziness scale of 0 (least lazy) to 10 (most lazy), you are a -3.  Lighten up, do less.  You don’t have to remodel your entire house this year, nor keep it spotless.  No one will judge you.  They’ll be relieved that you came down from the pedestal.

4.  As Linda Ferguson said MANY times in your sessions together ENJOY THIS TIME of creativity as a mom, as an artist.  I’d go further to say that IT Is Okay To Be Happy, because you are living your dream.  If you can’t be happy then, when will you be?  Sheesh.  Refer back to point 3:  Lighten up, do less.  Play more.

5.  Figure out what works for you and document it here versus wasting time and energy trying to find out how great artists managed.  You will not waste your time or health in drink, drugs, poor diet or sleep, angst or depression as a great number of the artists in Daily Rituals seemed hell-bent on.  You will not have a care taker to prepare your meals, watch your kid, clean your house, wake you up, bring your coffee, or type your notes.  You WILL forge your own path, one that is balanced and not self-destructive.  Move on.  Give back along the way.  Also, refer again to point 3:  Lighten up, do less.

6.  The time in the free moments you find for art will be compounded if you are present, truthful, professional, and diligent to do your absolute best in those moments.  No screwing around, no self-doubt; these moments are gifts and the time is sacred.

7.  Enjoy this “ten years of silence” (when no one knows who you are) to learn to be so good that “they” can’t help but notice when this period is over.

‘Nough said, now get your eyeballs out of your navel and don’t make me come round here again.

Very truly yours,

I.

 

What are your thoughts?