I don’t know how else to say it, but October (or at least most of it) totally sucked. Whatever your drug of choice, detox sucks. I gave up my twenty-year caffeine habit and a sugar addiction that started in the last trimester of my pregnancy and became very scary in recent months. Anyway, my physical and emotional energy was so low that I actually talked to my doctor about it. I was concerned that I was sinking into a full-blown depression. I didn’t want to write or create because my brain was so fogged over, and I stopped exercising because of body aches and generally feeling ill.
Then the clouds cleared away and my physical and creative energy came back…redoubled.
The curious thing is that my creativity is bubbling up from deep springs, wells capped with millstones during my corporate days. I am finding that repressing creative expression is like cutting off your limbs and locking yourself away in the nut house, because that is where you will end up. I find myself almost repulsed by sitting down and writing, because it feels very much like a “ought to do”, very corporate. That doesn’t mean that I don’t tell stories. I tell Em 5 or 6 a day that I make up on the spot, with beginnings, middles with high stakes, and endings.
It’s just that at this moment, I want to create again with my hands. In fact, the jobs that I enjoyed most were the ones where I could use my hands and move around. It should be no surprise to me since I practically minored in Art (drawing, sculpture, and photography) and used to be quite an illustrator (paid, at that). And given that I have baked since my Easy Bake oven days and even cooked a full-on Easter meal (roast turkey, mashed potatoes, greens, rolls) in my dorm room toaster oven and hot-pot, it should be no surprise that I took a six-month Culinary Arts course and still itch to enroll in a professional Pastry Arts program and start a bakery. During my cooking school stint, my employer at the time offered me free cake decorating classes. I found out that I enjoyed adding a sculptural dimension to baking, something I pour tons of love and care into. And, I cannot deny that I bake well (no bragging here, just a lot of feedback over the years since I made my Home Ec teacher’s eyes roll up in her head at the first bite of my Bonnie Butter cake). So, it is no surprise that I have received an immense amount of satisfaction in completing sewing, gardening, household painting and cooking projects around the house. And, it is no surprise that after four years of turning down unsolicited cake orders due to morning sickness and then no free time, I jumped at an out-of-the-blue request to make a custom cake for a 1st birthday party next weekend. This cake order has been a fresh wind blowing into my spirit, because I can give it my full attention and have fun at the same time, especially when Em helps. She can’t help me write.
Baking and writing have always fought for my attention, and I have acted as if I had to choose one over the other. But I suspect the two are going to marry very soon, or I will realize they secretly have been common law spouses for some time and just failed to inform me. Regardless, I am taking the pressure off to brand myself in this blog and life, because I suspect I will limit myself too soon. I’m just enjoying the ride and living my best creative life each day.
So, expect more Kitchen Adventures posts….And on that note, I’m off to baking my client’s and Em’s birthday cakes (yes, both parties are the same weekend)!